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LETTER77
CHARLESLAMBTOTHOMASMANNING
Dec.16th,1800.
Wearedamnd!
Notthefacetiousepiloguecouldsaveus.For,astheeditorofthe"MorningPost,"quick-sightedgentleman!haththismorningtrulyobserved,(IbegpardonifIfalsifyhiswords,theirprofoundsenseIamsureIretain,)bothprologueandepiloguewereworthyofacpanyingsuchapiece;andindeed(marktheprofundity,MisterManning)werereceivedwithproperindignationbysuchoftheaudienceonlyasthoughteitherworthattendingto.PROFESSOR,thyglorieswaxdim!Again,theinparableauthorofthe"TrueBriton"declarethinhispaper(bearingsamedate)thattheepiloguewasanindifferentattemptathumourandcharacter,andfailedinboth.Iforbeartomentiontheotherpapers,becauseIhavenotreadtheOPROFESSOR,howdifferentthyfeelingsnow(quantummutatusabilloprofessore,quiinagrisphilosophiaetantasvictoriasaquisivisti),—howdifferentthyproudfeelingsbutonelittleweekago,—thyanticipationofthyninenights,—thosevisionaryclaps,whichhavesoothedthysoulbydayandthydreamsbynight!CallinginaccidentallyontheProfessorwhilehewasout,Iwasusheredintothestudy;andmynosequickly(mostsagaciousalways)pointedmetofourtokenslyinglooseuponthytable,Professor,whichindicatedthyviolentandsatanicalprideofheart.Imprimis,therecaughtmineeyealistofsixpersons,thyfriends,whomthoudidstmeditateinvitingtoasumptuousdinnerontheThursday,anticipatingtheprofitsofthySaturdaysplaytoanswercharges;Iwasinthehonouredfile!Next,astrongerevidenceofthyviolentandalmostsatanicalpride,layalistofallthemorningpapers(fromthe"MorningChronicle"downwardstothe"Porcupine,")withtheplacesoftheirrespectiveoffices,wherethouwastmeditatingtoinsert,anddidstinsert,anelaboratesketchofthestoryofthyplay—stonesinthyenemyshandtobruisetheewith;andseverelywastthoubruised,OProfessor!nordoIknowwhatoiltopourintothywounds.Next,whichconvincedmetoadeadconvictionofthypride,violentandalmostsatanicalpride—layalistofbooks,whichthyun-tragedy-favouredpocketcouldneveranswer;DodsleysOldPlays,MalonesShakspeare(stillharpinguponthyplay,thyphilosophyabandonedmeanwhiletoChristiansandsuperstitiousminds);nay,Ibelieve(ifIcanbelievemymemory),thattheambitiousEncyclopaediaitselfwaspartofthymeditatedacquisitions;butmanyaplaybookwasthere.Allthesevisionsaredamned;andthou,Professor,mustreadShakspereinfutureoutofamonedition;and,harkye,prayreadhimtoalittlebetterpurpose!Lastandstrongestagainstthee(incoloursmanifestasthehanduponBelshazzarswall),layavolumeofpoemsbyC.LloydandC.Lamb.Thyheartmisgavethee,thatthyassistantmightpossiblynothavetalentenoughtofurnishtheeanepilogue!Manning,allthesethingscameovermymind;allthegratulationsthatwouldhavethickeneduponhim,andevensomehaveglancedasideuponhishumblefriend;thevanity,andthefame,andtheprofits(theProfessoris£500idealmoneyoutofpocketbythisfailure,besides£200hewouldhavegotforthecopyright,andtheProfessorisnevermuchbeforehandwiththeworld;whathegetsisallbythesweatofhisbrowanddintofbrain,fortheProfessor,thoughasureman,isalsoaslow);andnowtomuseuponthyalteredphysiognomy,thypaleandsqualidappearance(akindofbluesicknessabouttheeyelids),andthycrestfallen,andthyprouddemandof£200fromthybooksellerchangedtoanuncertaintyofhistakingitatall,orgivingtheefull£50.TheProfessorhaswonmyheartbythishismournfulcatastrophe.
YourememberMarshall,whodinedwithhimatmyhouse;ImethiminthelobbyimmediatelyafterthedamnationoftheProfessorsplay,andhelookedtomelikeanangel:hisfacewaslengthened,andALLOVERSWEAT;Ineversawsuchacare-fraughtvisage;Icouldhavehuggedhim,Ilovedhimsointensely—"Fromeveryporeofhimaperfumefell."Ihaveseenthatmaninmanysituations,andfrommysoulIthinkthatamoregod-likehonestsoulexistsnotinthisworld.TheProfessorspoornervestremblingwiththerecentshock,hehurriedhimawaytomyhousetosupper;andtherewefortedhimaswellaswecould.Hecametoconsultmeaboutachangeofcatastrophe;butalas!thepiecewascondemnedlongbeforethatcrisis.Iatfirsthumouredhimwithaspeciousproposition,buthavesincejoinedhistruefriendsinadvisinghimtogiveitup.Hediditwithapang,andistoprintitashis.
L.
[TheProfessorwasLambsnameforGodwin.
ThePorcupinewasCobbettspaper.]
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